What should we do with all those VW TDI vehicles?

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Unless you have been living under the hubcap of a 1972 Pinto Hatchback you’ve probably heard VW has been very very dirty as of late. In other words they are the automotive version of Ashley Madison.

I’ll save my judgement of both VW and those who’ve been hate mongering the slighted moniker for another post. There are more important things at stake… what are we going to do about all those “illegal” cars!? There have been a few stories circulating about the interwebs talking about the intended possibilities; most of which lean toward some type of destruction.

But WHY!?

Alright, the cars produce more pollution than advertised. And, the company cheated. And hipsters bought them thinking they would save the environment. I can judge hipsters because my wife once had a Prius so Mother Nature and I are square on the automotive salvation point.

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Side note: buying a certain type of car, while possibly better for the environment, is a bigger slight against the environmental movement since Captain America took the heart kid in the back for… I couldn’t finish that statement in a way that didn’t turn out completely inappropriate but whoa you are sick for where you took it. Point is no matter what car you purchase somewhere it burns up the environment. Either the fuel, the battery pack or the means in which the electricity is produced to charge said battery. Go plant a tree.

But seriously, what is wrong with you? Captain Plant was our hero, he was totally going to take pollution down to zero.

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Right, the cars. Why destroy a perfectly good vehicle. Yes, those vehicles… even with their cheater skeeter engines are still perfectly fine. My last post was a testament to the fact that all cars deserve a second chance. I am seriously of the mind to many people drive these days but would never argue someone should be deprived of something as glorious as a vehicle. Especially one that sports a VW badge. Oh yeah I’m a Dub Head by the way.

Regardless of my affinity for the make, model or even trim of a vehicle these cars were built, handle great and return glorious glorious gas mileage. Granted they cheat while doing so but there has to be an alternative to smashing them, pulling out the engines or letting them rust in a field. Think about the idiocrasy that was cash for clunkers. The government lost a boatload of money and perfectly good vehicles were trashed due to the broad definition of the term “clunker.” Listen Felicia you bought the SUV now live with the gas mileage and don’t punish the vehicle for your ineptitude.

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These cars, while good have issues that people, well, take issue with. But they run and serve a purpose. Being both creative and efficient went about making a list!

  1. Use them anyway
  2. Give them all to me
  3. All diesel race league
  4. Give me all of them
  5. Endurance racing
  6. Seriously at least five of them
  7. Repurpose them

While two and four and at least six make the most sense I’m afraid I don’t have the real-estate for that… yet. But number seven on, yeah they could be repurposed. But how?

Biodiesel Bitches.

 

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Convert these bad boys to run on biodiesel and round up all the grease we – as the great country of America – produce in any given amount of time and put these things on the road as an Uber Lyft. Did I get that ridesharing thing right?

Tesla-cize them.

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Jam a battery pack and a short range electric engine in there and use them for driver’s ed, delivery vehicles, a car version of that thing where you rent a bike in European and – I assume – Californian cities. Give them to the elderly, with a small electric engine they can’t go that fast. Maybe use them as golf carts or railroad service vehicle!?

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The point is these vehicles can and should still be useful. While the wanton waste of trashing them may serve as a punishment for VW and provide a shot across the bow… bough – whatever I’m not in the Navy – to other automakers who think about cheating, trashing a perfectly good vehicle is just plain dumb. Dumb, there is no other word simple enough to get my point across.

 

 

None of the re-revenue has to go to VW, just don’t kill the car man. Don’t find a stranger in the alps.

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